so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
