spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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