Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
