why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
