the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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