But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
