I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
