you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
