guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
