I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
