Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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