can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
