so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
