I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
