and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
