The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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