I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
if only i could text you this smell
We are two peas in an std pod
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
