I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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