My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
