Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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