Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
