franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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