2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
