OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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