There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
