Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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