Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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