so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
