i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
