If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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