My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
