But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
