Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
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As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
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I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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