it was like his penis was on wheels.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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