bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
