I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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