Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
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Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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