just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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