man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
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I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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