He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
