Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
