walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
