dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
