did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
