The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
