my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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