Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
