from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just had sex bonerless
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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