You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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