dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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