I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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