I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
