i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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