Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
