'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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