Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
