We got so high we made milksteak
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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