Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
