I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
