One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
