Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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