You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
