I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
