Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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