That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize