Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize