dude i'm inner monologue high
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
