apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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