I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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