I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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