haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
