Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
